Then Love Again
by exquisite-art
Summary: Post "The Doctor". How does Regina deal with her actions and can she really love again...


**Disclaimer**: I don't own Once Upon a Time or any of its characters but I certainly wish I did.

**Summary:** Post "The Doctor". How does Regina deal with her actions and can she really love again...

**A/N:** This is my first fic ever so sorry if it isn't good enough (I really hope it is). I seriously don't know what I want to do with it yet; I just felt a need to explore a bit more of Regina's reaction after the episode "The Doctor". The only thing that I know is that SwanQueen is my endgame. How I'll get there only time will tell.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

**Heartbreak**

_"Then love again."_

She couldn't breath. Every single time she fell asleep those words haunted her, taunted her dreams, reminded her of what she had done. Every night she would wake up breathless in search of him. And every night the truth fell on top of her like a ton of bricks.

How could she? How could she kill the love of her life? How could she abandon him when he needed her the most? She did everything to have him in her life again and just because he said that she **_gave up_**? And who the hell gave him the right to decide that she sought to love **_another_**? She spent her life searching a way to save **_him_**! She wasted her life with revenge in **_his _**name! And she would do it all over again… So why the hell did he think that she should love another? He was her one true love. There is no other like him... Never was and never will be another Daniel.

'_Daniel'_. Just his name brought tears to her eyes. Now she really was alone. Not even the remote possibility that one day he would come back for her. This was the end. The real and definitive end. And it was done by her hands.

There's no one to blame this time, only Regina, and that's why she can't sleep. She even tried to talk with that **_bug_**, Hopper, it made no difference. Just thinking about it made her cringe.

* * *

_Why is she doing this? 'Because there's no one else that will listen' she told herself. She must be going crazy… 'Of course your going crazy! You've just killed the love of your life!' her head screamed. It was all that she needed to take the last step and knock on the door._

_It only took a few seconds for the door to open._

_"You're back!" She could almost laugh from his surprise if she wasn't so heartbroken. _

_"I used magic." It's all she can say instead of crying. She can feel the tears threatening to fall but she refuses to sink so low in front of this… thing._

_"Why don't you come in? Tell me what happened."_

_It takes forever to cross the threshold. She seriously doesn't know how she hasn't crumbled already. How did she get here? Did she drive herself?..._

_"Regina!"_

_"Sorry, what?" Apparently she made it to the couch. That must be the biggest accomplishment of the day._

_"I was asking you what can I do for you."_

_Then she laughs, she can't help it! It's ludicrous! '**Do**'? He can't **do** a damn thing! Daniel is dead! D-E-A-D, DEAD! What is he going to do? Hug her so she can cry on his shoulder? Over her dead body!_

_"There's nothing you can '**do**' about it." She makes sure to emphasize that she's not very keen on his phrasing. _

_"There must be a reason you came to me Regina. What happened?" _

_Can she say it? She said it so many times in her head. The last hour keeps repeating in her head like it's on a loop. She can't forget the way his eyes looked at her for the last time. How she could see Daniel slipping away to make way for the monster within him. How with his last breath all he could think of was her happiness. _

_A lonely tear escapes down her cheek but she quickly wipes it away with her hand. She will not crumble. She refuses to crumble._

_"Did you hear about the attack on Dr. Whale?" she asks. It's the only way she can think of starting this explanation. _

_He nodded with acknowledgment in his eyes. _

_"It was Daniel."_

_"Daniel, as in..."_

_"Yes. **My** Daniel." She completed with sorrow in her voice. "The love of my life."_

_"I thought he was dead!"_

_"Well… so did I. You can thank Whale for that." She bitterly replied. "I guess is fitting he lost an arm because of what his done."_

_"I figured you of all people would be happy that he brought Daniel to life again. I never thought it was possible."_

_"Happy? **Happy**?! He didn't bring Daniel to life! He created a monster!" She rose from the couch ready to strike anyone in her way. "He created a beast that almost killed me! That almost killed **my son**! Because of that man I will never get the chance to save Daniel! Because of Whale **I had to kill my true love**! Now tell me, why should I be 'happy'?"_

_She was fuming. The emotions of the entire day were finally coming to the surface in the only way she could deal with them: anger. If he wanted her to speak he would have to know right now how to deal with her temper, because she wasn't backing down any time soon._

_"I'm s-sorry… I didn't mean to… It wasn't my place to, I shouldn't have commented without knowing…" he stammered._

_"No you shouldn't and if you value your life you'll think very carefully before interrupting me again."_

_'Count to ten and breath' Really killing him wouldn't do her any good, but it was so tempting… oh so tempting…_

_She moved back to the couch in an attempt to calm herself. Regina tried to put her ideas in order while flattening imaginary wrinkles in her blouse._

_"Like I was saying, before **your remarkable intervention**, there was another attack besides the one to Dr. Whale." She shudders just by thinking of it. "He attacked Henry in the city stables. If we hadn't arrived there in time… I don't know what would have happened. He could've…" It goes without saying. She could have lost the only other person she ever loved besides Daniel._

_"But he didn't. That's what you can't forget." He gives her a decisive look, like what he just said was a lesson to be learned. Maybe one day he will see it that way. Not sure when… but maybe someday. _

_"You said you used magic. What happened?"_

_That's the million-dollar question. And that's what it takes to make her crack again._

_"I-I killed him…" It comes out as a whisper and he has to actually stretch to hear it._

_"I tried to talk to him. I tried to bring Daniel out of that monster, I couldn't let David kill him…" It was to much. Tears were threatening to fall. "He actually tried to k-kill **me**. He was so transformed, it just wasn't him."_

_"It looks like you did what you could…"_

_"No I didn't! He was there. He looked at me, he recognized me! Daniel was right there and I gave up..." Pain was shooting through her chest. She couldn't stop now. "He talked to me. I looked into his eyes and he was right there, full of love, just for me. He was the only one who ever looked at me like that…"_

_"What did he have to say?"_

_Narrow eyes pin him back into place. "I don't think that's any of your business, do you?"_

_"Ms. Mills… You came to me." He can hear a huff coming from her. "I said to you once: you can't have a future if you can't let go of your past. So, I no you don't want to, but what he said is important for you to move on."_

_"What he said was ridiculous. He was clearly starting to get affected again." She snaps back. _

_"Regina…"_

_She deflates "Then love again…" _

_"Sorry, what?"_

_"If you aren't going to listen to what I say at least have the courtesy to warn me so I can stop wasting my time!" she spats back._

_He gives her some space so she can calm herself down again. It looks like it's the only thing she keeps doing in this last hour. A glass of wine would be great right about now. Who is she kidding? A whole bottle would be knocked down in a flash!_

_"I said to Daniel that I loved him, and his answer was 'then love again'. What kind of answer is that? I say to him something that I never said to anyone else and his answer is for me to love another? Doesn't he understand I don't want anybody else? I want him!"_

_"I think you're seeing this from a wrong perspective. He doesn't want you to forget him. He wants you to be happy again, even if for that you have to love someone else. He wants you to let him go."_

_Regina was up in a blink of an eye. "A **wrong perspective**?" She was seething. "Do you know what true love is? Of course you do. Everyone knows the story of Snow White and her Charming… 'True Love is the most powerful magic in the world'. Daniel was **my True Love**, and I just killed him like my mother did all those years ago!" Apparently she cornered him in the room some were along the way, because she was now so close to that insect that she could almost touch it. "You have **no idea** what is like to have your happy ending taken away from you!"_

_"You did curse us..."_

_"Like I said, you have **no** idea." She bit back. "You weren't aware of the curse, I had to live with that knowledge almost my entire life." The fact that she lasted all this time was truly remarkable. If she hadn't had Henry she would have ended this long ago. Revenge no longer sated her.  
_

_"M-Maybe you should... consider his words... It was his last wish." He could hear her lose a shaken breath, but he wasn't brave enough to look into the Mayor's eyes at the moment. He valued his life after all..._

_"I don't know how... I know I will never love another."_

_"How can you be so sure? It is possible to confuse first love with True Love. You don't-"_

_"**Don't you dare**." Her voice dropped to an icy and murderous tone. Dark pools of hate were gazing down on him with a look that could kill him. "I suggest you stop right there Dr. Hopper. It isn't very intelligent of you to keep your intent on questioning my love for Daniel." She increased the distance between them. "I think we are done here." She all but stomped out of the office, slamming the door as she left._

* * *

_'Not her True Love.' _It's preposterous! Of course she knows who her True Love is. Was... That poor excuse of a conscience did this to her! He started planting doubt in her head. She killed the love of her life... and the only thing she can't forget is that he wanted her to move on. What is_** wrong**_ with her?! How can she be thinking of this things... Could she really love again?

No. Why is she thinking like this? She gave up long ago, she's the _Evil Queen, _there's no happy ending for her.

Or is there? Could it really be possible?

'**_Damn you bug for giving me hope!_**' She can't sleep, she can't eat, she can only think of Daniel. His calm deep brown eyes, his strong jaw, his warm breath. The way his eyes bored into her soul as he tried to show how much he loved her... by setting her free. She can still hear him in the dead of night when she's alone in her room. The words are always the same, the last effort he made to speak to her before being once again overcome by the beast. His words haunted her, dared her to hope and filled her with fear and dread.

'_Then love again_.' Three simple words that together could change her world. And the worst part of it? She really wants it to happen...


End file.
